Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
