you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
