hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Even my vagina gasped.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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