is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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