My balls are so social today.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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