I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
