Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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