..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
