If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
