We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
