How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
