Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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