conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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