I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
