Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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