They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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