My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
