You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
As shirtless as possible
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
