Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
