DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This is the high leading the old right now
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
