oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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