We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize