I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
