I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
