he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
