You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We left the knife in your bed.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
