PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
