I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
