so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
