I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
