How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
