you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
