i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
