Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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