the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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