sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
