Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just threw up on my dentist
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
