We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
