This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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