That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
