I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
