Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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