Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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