Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
