as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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