don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
