How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
