i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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