fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
