I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
