Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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