I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
only you would photoshop your dick
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize