U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
