Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
