My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize