Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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