Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
