i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Houston, we have a squirter
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
