she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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