girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
