Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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