Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
