we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
