omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
