Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
