shes about as inviting as chlamydia
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
