I hope mine doesn't look like that
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
