just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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