I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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