he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
